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Today's reading (July 19th) from the 24 Hour Book flatly says we AA's should NOT criticize nor gossip about fellow members who drink (or use) on the side. It also declares that if a person is having a slip, it is up to him or her to stand up and declare they are using. If they do not they are "only hurting themselves." This idea is dangerous. I do not agree with it. Such people are NOT only hurting themselves.

In my AA community there is a fellow in the room who I became friendly with in my early sobriety. Because I trusted to much in the goodness of all people in AA with more time than me and my own ability to discern "good" character, the fellow wound up conning me into loaning him a thousand dollars. The loan was to help him stay out of jail by paying down fines. Curiously, a couple days later he had a new cell phone, new shoes, and new cloths. Around the same time we had a falling out about our differing approaches to AA and the unspoken lie for the reason of the loan.(I personally believe he also used the money to binge.) Since then the fellow has relapsed repeatedly and shows no signs of active recovery, other than coming to meetings where he offers sponsor every new comer who will listen to him. On some occasions, I take the new comer aside and let him know about the dishonesty I experienced with the fellow and to be cautious. I do not tell the new comer not to be his friend or any such nonsense, but to be cautious. I do this as I would warn an old lady about walking into an alley with a known mugger who just last week mugged someone. Is this wrong? I think not.

Now, on the other side of today's reading, I do believe petty gossip and self-serving criticism of others is a waste of time and dangerous to the participant as well as the victim. I have been guilty of putting others down behind their back to make myself feel better and to distract myself from my own character defects. However, I try to be a better man daily and not fall victim to my own bad behavior or others.

Maybe, as I continue to work on my own sobriety, I will better learn to be deeply loving, forgiving and compassionate to all. But, that does not mean I will knowingly watch an AA grifter con a new comer.